It started out simply… this message came across FriendFeed

“Post your first authored site/blog Formatted as: domain, earliest archive date, wayback machine link” – Mark Krynsky 

coredump_oldschool_02022001 That shouldn’t be that hard, I thought. I’ve pretty much always been in the same place here at soulhuntre.com. In fact, the first ever blog post I can remember making is still online, right here. Just for fun though, I went to the Internet Wayback Machine to find it. Turns out they don’t really go back that far and the first real “blog” posting they caught was 12.02.2000 and yes, that post is also still here.

Mission accomplished, right? Well… sort of. While I was poking around I came across this post and read it a few times. Initially it depressed me and pissed me off. Many of the feelings and frustrations I expressed that day are still with me. Some of the same dreams I had not realized then still elude me now. Add in the normal self recriminations and examinations that plague many men in their 42nd year and you can imagine that it hit me a little hard.

As with the post itself, however, my normal wit returned. For every disappointment I can name two things I have done I am proud of. For each setback there have been victories. I am still close to almost everyone from that time that mattered to me and the girls I love still dwell in my house and still call me Daddy and consider themselves in my service.

When I come back from TES Fest there will be a lot of work to do on the next phase of my life. Always I am changing, always I am revising my goals. In short it is ever thus – driven by my frustration of my failings and the gnawing desire of things I have yet to achieve I move forward. Yet what could so easily turn to self pity and self loathing never seems to get that far.

My ego is almost certainly to large for that… and for this I am thankful.