demonbaby: Irresistible dating prospects from THE GOTHIC PERSONALS!

“But the point is, none of these sites could possibly compare to the wealth of entertainment I had the incredible fortune of stumbling upon yesterday: A massive database of hilarious walking cliches, GOTHIC PERSONALS. Folks, this is almost too easy. This material writes itself. However, I am going to take candy from the baby and highlight some of the amazing people you could be lucky enough to meet on this extraordinary site…


“Now wait a minute,” you’re saying, “there are different types of goths? I thought they were all equally retarded!” Well how wrong you are, my friend! According to The Gothic Personals, there are TWELVE different types of goths: GlamGoth (black sparkles?), GlitterGoth (read: tori amos fan), PunkGoth (mix genres to maximize your clothing selection at hot topic), BabyGoth (i don’t want to know), CorporateGoth (have to wear long sleeves to cover their scratch marks at the office), ElderGoth (remembers seeing joy division live, hasn’t changed outfits since), MopeyGoth (isn’t that all of them?), RomantiGoth (the most prolific of goth poets), Mansonite (still grasping on), VampyreGoth (so goth, they spell it with a “y”), and, my favorite, GangstaGoth.